How to be Successful at Online Dating

In this episode we dive deep into the world of online dating, exploring its efficacy and uncovering the crucial dos and don'ts of crafting a standout dating app profile. Naza shares invaluable insights on how to maximize your chances of success in the digital dating arena.  I'm joined by the remarkable Naza Shelley, a dynamic attorney, founder, and CEO of CarpeDM, who's changing the landscape of online dating.

 But that's not all. We'll also dissect the age-old debate: dating apps versus matchmaking services. And for those who've grown weary of the same old swipe-and-hope routine, CarpeDM might just be the game-changer you've been seeking. Naza walks us through what sets CarpeDM apart and explains who stands to benefit the most from this innovative platform.

 Whether you're a seasoned swiper or just dipping your toes into the world of online romance, this episode promises a wealth of wisdom and fresh perspectives. Join us and discover how CarpeDM and Naza Shelley are reshaping the way we find meaningful connections in the digital age. Don't miss out on your chance to seize love with both hands!

Join us on this eye-opening episode of the Perfect Partner Podcast as I sit down with the dynamic Naza Shelley, a visionary attorney turned founder and CEO. Naza's passion for connecting people through cutting-edge technology led her to redefine the landscape of online dating.

After leaving her legal career, Naza embarked on a mission to address the unique challenges faced by professional Black women in the world of online romance. Her brainchild, CarpeDM, is nothing short of revolutionary. It's a groundbreaking dating app and matchmaking service, driven by a patented video-based matching process.

To learn more about their services and submit an application visit https://register.carpedmdating.com/

Transcript

Erin F. Darden (02:10.534)

Welcome to the Perfect Partner Podcast, a show for those of you who have not given up on love despite its challenges, where we have productive conversations around things that can really impact your love life. I am your host, Erin F. Darden, and I am on a personal mission, I think it's my purpose right now, to help you understand the importance of emotional intelligence and building and maintaining healthy romantic relationships. Today, we are talking about online dating. Now, I know

there are mixed feelings about online dating. Some have jumped right in and spend hours swiping left and right all day. Some have, you know, jumped on the bandwagon just because you feel like, you know, there aren't really any other options out there to meet people. And then there are some people out there that are still resistant to it, prefer in-person interaction. So we're gonna talk about all of that today, whether or not dating apps really work.

what you can do to set yourself up for the best chance of finding love online. We're gonna talk about dating apps versus matchmaking. And our guest today, actually from her own personal struggles, she came up with a new solution. So if you have felt like you've tried other apps and they haven't worked for you, or you haven't been open to online dating at all, we may have something for you that's a better fit for you. So we will talk all about that. Let me introduce.

our guests for today.

Erin F. Darden (03:39.474)

Our guest is Naza Shelley. Naza is, oh, wait a second.

Erin F. Darden (03:57.346)

Our guest for today is Naza Shelley. Naza is a multifaceted attorney, founder, and CEO with a passion for connecting people through innovative technology. Now, Naza left her legal career to create a solution to the challenges professional black women face in finding love online. With her vision and execution, her team launched Carpe DM a first of its kind dating app and matchmaking service.

powered by a patent video-based matchmaking process. Now, Naza's mission, elevate Black women, help create generational wealth in the Black community, and give Black by donating 5% of Carpe DM's profits to organizations supporting the community. She's also determined to create space in the white male-dominated dating industry for Black and minority women. Her pension for his...

creative problem solving and technical and business acumen have led her to receive in two utility patents and multiple industry awards. Naza is also an experienced fundraiser. She has joined the less than 1% of all black women funded companies to raise over a million dollars in capital. That's amazing. She has been featured in Inc Magazine,

Essence, The Griot, Black Enterprise, and The Washington Business Journal. Naza, thanks so much for joining us.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (05:33.334)

Thank you for having me, Erin. You know, I'm excited. Anything Erin asks me, you know, I'm gonna jump on it. I love you.

Erin F. Darden (05:40.014)

I have to tell you guys, I am biased because I used to work with them as a matchmaker and I miss working with them deeply. But we'll jump into that. I don't wanna get ahead of ourselves. You know, I have to pour my drink. Today I'm going back to Italy. I'm opening a glass of Prosecco that I got in my most.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (05:51.711)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:02.078)

Did you see Issa Ray just launch a Prosecco?

Erin F. Darden (06:05.386)

I saw that, somebody sent me that. I can't say that I am excited. Yeah, I can't say that I'm excited about it because of the vineyard that she's partnered with. I don't have high hopes for it.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:07.635)

Thank you.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:11.259)

Awwww.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:20.21)

Mm-hmm.

Hmm, that's unfortunate.

Erin F. Darden (06:24.806)

Yeah, I mean, I'll keep an open mind. I will, you know, give it a try, but I don't have, I don't have high hopes for it. And especially after actually going to the Prosecco region of Italy, I feel like, of course, nothing is the same. However, there are some that are better than others. It can't be, right? From the DOCG region, but I can't say that I'm excited about hers, but I'm gonna give it a fair try.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:37.772)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (06:53.774)

Yeah, let it report back to us. Let us know. I'm going to join you. Cheers.

Erin F. Darden (06:56.221)

I sure do.

Erin F. Darden (07:00.83)

I love when people drink with me. Cheers, this is all about having comfortable conversations. Naza, yes, thanks for being here. You know, whenever I pick these topics, I try to pick things that I think are relevant. And I think online dating is one of those things, especially amongst our generation, that literally some are for it, some are not. All right, one survey I read said that people spend at least four hours a day swiping, which is nuts.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (07:08.158)

I'm looking forward to getting into it.

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (07:23.54)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (07:30.13)

And then there are some that's like, mm, no, I want in-person interaction. I don't want a dating app. And when I was reading that, at first I was like, that makes sense, right? We didn't really grow up with social media like that. And I was like, you know, with MySpace, I don't really remember people like sending messages or sliding in the DMs. But then I had to think about it. Even though that's not how we use MySpace, there was still like Black Planet. I felt like that was my first dating app experience.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (07:34.931)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (07:47.082)

Okay.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (07:58.536)

Mm-hmm. I feel like no matter what the platform is, people are gonna change it into a pseudo dating app. If there's numbers of people, men and women, women and women, men and men, we're gonna change it to some type of dating platform just because that's a natural inclination for a human desire to connect with people. So if you have access to a lot of people.

whether or not it's LinkedIn, and it's supposed to be for professionals, right? And like people are sliding to people's LinkedIn DMs or IG, which has become a huge, you know, a huge slide into the DMs on IG is like the thing. So I think Black Planet kind of, you know, Myspace kind of started it, but it's a never ending thing. I don't see it going anywhere anytime soon, just because we are just very much online people. And the trend is to be, to being online more than being offline, so.

Erin F. Darden (08:26.23)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (08:48.99)

And it's interesting that you say you don't see it going anywhere because a couple of episodes ago, we talked about the effects of social media on relationships. And one of the topics we talked about was sliding in the DM. And I disclosed that I'm not really open to people sliding in my DMs. I feel like it's just, I don't know. So I got to work.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (08:58.055)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (09:04.455)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (09:08.37)

Me either. I mean, I'm, yeah, I'm an online, like, I have a dating company and I'm the same. I think it's weird. I'm like, don't, guys, you know, people, they slide into your DMs and you're just like, is this for professional purposes or what? But if you think about it, you never know where love is gonna come from. And so you have heard the stories of people that's like, he slid into my DMs and I gave him a little attention. Now we're engaged in getting married. So I think it's all about discernment.

and putting the proper barriers in place to access to you, but still kind of being open and flexible in how you potentially meet your person. I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, I'm not a DM's person, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with being like, okay, if you sign into my DM's, I'll check out your profile, I'll see what it's like, and then make a decision if I wanna engage with you or not. Or leave you on red, leave you on red.

Erin F. Darden (10:02.007)

do that.

definitely going to do better because I can't not be a DM person and not go outside like it doesn't I can't do both so I'm gonna work on it it's just about you know disarming your approach maybe I'm gonna work on it I'm work on it but besides right I wish that would be great just come on in I don't know that you're the person right

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (10:12.21)

Yeah, you can't do both.

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (10:22.206)

Yeah, he's not gonna break into your house.

Erin F. Darden (10:32.655)

So dating apps, I've tried them. I believe you've tried them. Do you feel like they work?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (10:39.111)

I've tried all of them, so...

We all know someone who's met someone on a dating app. We all have a friend who met their spouse significantly other or whatever on a dating app. So does it work? Yeah. Does it work to the extent that it probably should work? No. Is it as good at helping people connect as it could be? No, because it's a business. Most premium model services, you're the product on the service. The impetus to like.

actually help you find love and get off the platform is very low, right? But the desire to keep you swiping and keep you engaging is very high. So it's kind of like, if you happen to meet someone and you guys hit it off, then you're one of the lucky people, right? But I think that for how many people are on dating apps, we should have more success stories about online dating.

Erin F. Darden (11:36.094)

never thought about that. That they gotta keep you swiping so that's why they send you people like I've been on apps and I'm like man this he doesn't even fit into the criteria that I put through like why am I seeing this person? I never thought about that at all.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (11:48.658)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, yeah. What's, yeah, why would they, the thing is it's kind of like, a lot of dating apps are specifically structured to give you what it is that you want, which are dopamine boost, something to do. People want, well, how could you spend four hours on a platform, right? Because you're just swiping. They have specific algorithms that show you three really good looking people that don't wanna match with you, and then one person that's like,

a B or a C that is a match with you, right? Like all that is very calculated to keep you engaged in the platform. And it's not designed to help you find love. It's designed to keep you using the platform.

Erin F. Darden (12:33.366)

I never knew that, but it makes sense. So with all of this out there, them working against you, is there anything that you can do to kind of increase your chances of finding your person?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (12:34.99)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (12:47.183)

Yeah, I think so. Absolutely. I think one, I hate to send money to competitors, but like, if you're not using a paid version of whatever platform is your preferred platform, then you're probably not getting the most out of it. So, you know, if you want the best features, if you want access to the best members on the platform, your highest quality matches, you got to pay period. Like I don't, there's no getting around it. So people who are like, well, I like the user

throwing you all the trash and you're gonna have to keep sifting through it. It's like going through the thrift store and like you're trying to find that pair of Gucci pumps and it ain't even on the floor. Like unless you unpaid and they take you to the little extra section. Okay. So that's one. Two, being very clear and like creating an engaging dating profile. And we can get into like what that actually looks like, but you know, making sure that like you've set yourself up for success by appropriately, um,

Erin F. Darden (13:23.122)

Uh huh.

Erin F. Darden (13:37.23)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (13:43.366)

reflecting who you are on a dating platform, bringing your patience to the table. I think people just put all their hopes and dreams into a match. You have to be patient, you have to be purposeful, and you have to realize that you're gonna have to go through a lot of potentially mismatch profiles before you find something that's a potential hit. And we can talk more about how you...

Apply that type of discernment, how you create the type of profile that engages and pulls in the type of matches you want. And then don't put all of your hopes and dreams into it, right? Still go out, be social, ask your friends, create a dating profile on multiple platforms, right? So just stay open to the way that you're going to find your person, but use dating apps in a purposeful way, not in a mindless...

mindless way.

Erin F. Darden (14:41.194)

Right, so let's talk about these dating profiles. So somebody just commented and said, I suck at creating dating profiles. I even did one where they matched me to people who made me feel like they didn't even pay attention. Like they didn't even look at what I set forward. Now, I will be honest, when I have tried these dating apps, I've done some paid, one paid and mostly free. I feel like with the free ones, I just kind of put anything up there just enough for my profile to be approved.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (15:03.112)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (15:11.306)

I'ma put my foot out there just to see if maybe possibly, but I'm not fully invested. So I probably don't put all of the information I need. I know I never disclose like what I do for a living or my profile probably like bare minimum. So what do we need to put on our profiles so that we have.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (15:15.542)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (15:27.656)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (15:33.318)

I love how you're answering your own questions as to why your profiles are not effective. So first and foremost, each dating app has created their own profile structure, right? So they allow you to put up to, for example, up to five pictures, put five pictures, right? They allow you to put a bio, put a bio, right? They allow you to answer these questions. Answer the questions, because you're feeding into their algorithm.

and how they're gonna match with other people. So if they don't have a lot of data on you, it's hard to actually match you with great profiles. The quality of your profile also impacts how many people they may show your profile to and the quality of the people they may show your profile to, right? So a lot of these dating apps that people don't know is like you're getting ranked by your fellow singles on the app, right? So they assigned me a score. I'm say that I've been using the app for a while.

and they've assigned me a high score. So they're like, Naza is a desirable candidate on the platform. We're gonna give her a score of a 90. If I then look at your profile and I swipe left, like because my profile is higher, your profile is getting D rated. But if I have a high profile and I swipe you right, then your profile is getting a higher ranking because I'm already highly ranked. So think about it as like social proof, like.

high quality profiles are then ranking other profiles and helping the algorithm determine if the other profiles are high quality. So if you've done no work, you put up a crappy photo, you've put nothing in your bio and it's driving other people to swipe left on you, then you're downgrading your own profile and impacting the other types of profiles that you see on the platform. So it's always best to create a desirable profile, one in which

more people are gonna end up swiping right on because you have high quality photos, you have realistic photos of yourself that are not filter driven, that aren't with groups of other people, you have a full body photo of yourself. Let's not hide the ball here, okay? It is what it is. Either you did the work during the summer or you didn't. You did the work in the winter or you didn't and it's okay. But whatever it is, however it is that you look, let's put that full body photo up there, a flattering picture, but a realistic picture, right? And then you wanna...

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (17:55.174)

you want to answer and put some information into your profile. So for me, we're going to get into like, what's the most important things to put in your profile, but you know, I want you to put in your age, clear photos of yourself, a body photo, a photo of you smiling, like I don't, and this is for the men, like please do not put the mean mug photo. You looking like a serial killer. That is not attractive to the women. Smile, show some teeth.

Erin F. Darden (18:19.846)

Ahem.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (18:21.834)

demonstrate kindness and empathy, that all comes through in your profile and you want that to be inviting to other people. And then we can talk about what's the most important criteria to actually put into your profile. We can get into that. I would say definitely include a photo of your hobbies. And then when it comes to your bio, I would say instead of talking about, this is my list, you have to have X, Y, Z, just invite people to message you if they meet certain qualities, right? So,

you should reach out to me if you love wine, love to travel, like love having, you know, like to explore the city. You know, if you can recommend like a great bottle of Prosecco that I haven't tried, right? Like give them something to latch onto so that they can actually reach out to you. Don't say, don't reach out to me if you have kids. Don't reach out to me if you blah, blah. Like don't create, because even if the guy doesn't have kids.

Erin F. Darden (18:57.614)

Thank you.

Erin F. Darden (19:04.29)

Right.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (19:18.09)

the negative perception that you're sending across when you give a negative demand like that will turn off other people unnecessarily, right? So instead of talking about who shouldn't, give them a way to know that they should message you and then you, the power will be in your hands, right? Cause you'll get the message, you'll get to look at their profile and you'll get to decide if you want to respond, right? And that's where the real fun is. Like, okay, you messaged me, I checked you out.

Okay, I'm gonna respond to you, right? But you don't wanna prevent them from ever reaching out to you in the first place.

Erin F. Darden (19:49.886)

But what if, so I got two things based on what you said, but what if I don't wanna waste my time? So I need to let you know what I'm okay with and what I'm not okay with. So if you got X, Y, and Z, I don't wanna talk to you. Don't waste your time. But you're saying that's not the right approach.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (19:53.559)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (20:05.41)

I think there are ways to indicate what you are looking for without couching it in a negative way, right? Like if you're like, you don't want kids, it's not, I don't want kids. It could be like, I love being an auntie. I'm like, I'm the forever aunt, right? Like saying that I'm the forever aunt is not the same thing as like, I don't want kids, but the impact.

Erin F. Darden (20:15.035)

and

Erin F. Darden (20:24.119)

and bridge.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (20:30.822)

if someone's reading it is the same, right? And so I'm not saying don't say what it is that you're looking for and put out your deal breakers and that kind of stuff, but you don't need to be, you don't need to put it in a negative light because negativity begets negativity, right? Like we don't want that coming into our lives, so you don't wanna put that out even in like your online dating persona or your dating profile.

Erin F. Darden (20:54.97)

That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. Can we go back to these pictures for a second? So you said Full body you said smile in a activity. I agree about the group pictures because I've been on there and I'm like I don't even know which one you are Group pictures the one that kind of blow me both group pictures sunglasses and hats

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (21:03.52)

Yes.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (21:11.067)

Either. Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (21:16.186)

Right, like who are you? Which one are you? And the thing about it is, either you're the most attractive person, which makes me question your group, or you're not the most attractive person, which then makes me not want you to be the one, I'm hoping that it was your homeboy next to you, right? So you don't need to create any comparisons between you and another person. This is your dating profile. So put yourself first and foremost. And if you don't have any pictures of yourself, fix that, right?

The excuse of I don't take selfies, I don't have any pictures of myself, it doesn't take anything to get your friend to like take a couple pictures of you at brunch, at the football game, you know, wherever. Like it doesn't take a lot, so that's not a good excuse to be like I don't have any good photos of myself. You can hire a photographer for a 30 minute photo shoot, you get two outfit changes or just some head shots. And so you have to put in the effort and not make excuses for the quality of your profiles.

it's on you to like put it out there so that you bring back what it is that you're looking for. Full body photos, we want those, right? We want them classy, we want them appropriate, we want them in the right setting, we want you presenting yourself the way that you want to be received, right? And so I think a lot of people have difficulty selecting photos that put their best foot forward. That's something that we, Erin, you know,

Erin F. Darden (22:37.815)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (22:42.13)

At Carpe DM, we work extensively with our members to make sure they have excellent photos. And we have to tell them sometimes, that's not the one. That's not the one or the two. Like take both of them down and send me some more options for me to select for you, right? And so that's the good thing about having a matchmaker on your side versus kind of going in alone. But if you're going in alone, show it to your friends. Hey, what do you think of these photos? They can be real with you. This is not the best one of you. Like.

Or show it to a guy, hey, if you saw my profile, what would you think, would you swipe right? And get some feedback. So there's tons of ways for you to get the validation you need to know, okay, this is a good profile, or I'm off the mark.

Erin F. Darden (23:25.602)

So does it need to be like a bathing suit pic so they see what you're working with or? Cause I just, I don't know. Okay.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (23:30.959)

No, no, it does not need to be a bathing suit pick. I don't think it should be a bathing suit pick unless you are at the pool, at the beach, at some type of function that will require you to be in a bathing suit, right? Just having a gratuitous you're in the bathroom with your bathing suit on is ridiculous, ladies, stop it. Um, the context actually matters. But if you have that fly bathing suit photo and you feel like it's, it's

showing the curves in the right way, but not overdoing it. And it's in the right type of setting. Sure, you can add that. But I would prefer just going for something that shows your figure from head to toe, right? And it looks nice. So it can be a nice bodycon dress if that is flattering for you or jeans in the top. There's lots of options here, right? The whole point is that you want men, especially are super visually driven.

And the biggest fear that men have, and this is silly but true, is that when they go on a first date with a woman, she's gonna be overweight, she's not gonna look like her picture, she's gonna be 50 pounds overweight, she's gonna be, the picture's gonna be from 15 years ago, and that happens for men and women alike. And so you want to make sure that you are presenting yourself the way you look today or within the last three, six months, right? And in the best light you can for the way that you look.

in your body at the moment.

Erin F. Darden (24:58.454)

So you saying let them see that wig and you dragging, is what you saying.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (25:01.834)

And I'm not saying turn around and like, you know, give them a booty shot or anything like that. But if you have on, you know, a form fitted dress and it shows the curves, but it still is flattering and it's not super revealing. That's completely fine. Right. Like show them the curves, show that, you know, if you really take pride in your body, you do a lot, you work out and you got the gym photo or whatever it is. I think that that's completely fine. If you're one of your hobbies is working out and going to the gym, then you can put that on your profile as well.

Erin F. Darden (25:31.03)

Okay, so you mentioned about being on multiple dating sites. Somebody asked, should your profile be the same on all of the apps?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (25:40.518)

I'm out here, I'm all for an A-B test, a good A-B test. Test it out. So if you're on one platform, maybe your profile photo is one profile photo, and then on another platform, you have a main profile photo that's a different photo, and you could kind of see which platform you get more engagement on. That could help you inform, okay, I wanna change the photos here. I don't think that your profiles have to be the same. They can be, if it makes it easier for you, so you know like,

exactly what you're putting out into the world on every platform. So I don't think it needs to be the exact same, but if it's easier for you to do that, you can. If you just kind of want to experiment and kind of see like that photo gets me more likes than an interest, but it's not just about what gets you more matches, right? What gets you actually more engagement and the type of engagement that you want, because you can put the boob photo and the booty photo and you know, all in the camera and that's going to get you a ton.

of likes, right? But it's not gonna get you the type of engagement you really want. So go for the quality interactions over the high quantity of interactions. So I'm gonna put my best foot forward and I want to attract the type of attention that I want. If I have the mindset of a wife or a girl, I wanna be a girlfriend or whatever it is, then I'm gonna put that type of energy into my profile and out there and I'm going to assess the...

Erin F. Darden (26:58.904)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (27:07.514)

engagement I get to determine like who was on the right, who's on the same wavelength as I am right in that direction and then give them my time and attention.

Erin F. Darden (27:17.326)

Okay, so we talked about pictures, but we know that we are, as we get older, we know that there are other things that matter more than just looks and we try to find somebody of substance. So what information is important to put on our profile so people know that, hey, we're not just a pretty face or what information do you need to share so people can feel like, oh, we might have something in common and all of that not be like me that don't put anything up there.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (27:26.557)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (27:44.85)

Yeah, yeah, so I wrote this down for everybody. I said, so age, you wanna put your religion if it's important to you. If religion is not of consequence to you, you don't need to include it. You wanna put your height. Men, you want to put your height, okay? So if you don't put your height, I know that you're under five, nine.

Erin F. Darden (27:55.406)

Okay.

Erin F. Darden (28:06.807)

Don't lie.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (28:13.622)

because everybody over 5'10 puts their height. So we're not fooling anybody here. There's no trickery. Just put your height on there. If you have kids, indicate that you have kids. If you have any particular hobbies that you like to do and you want someone who's interested in those same type of hobbies, I would put that as well. And then I would also, like I said earlier, I would indicate...

who should message me, right? So I wanna put that into the atmosphere. If you love, if you think that you'd be my perfect spades partner, send me a message, right? If you can travel light with just the carry on, I want you to reach out, like message me, right? If you, what's your best date, like what's the best Chappelle show skit? Like who's your favorite? Figure out.

what excites you? Marvel or DC Universe, whatever it is, right? So whatever, what house on Harry Potter are you? Slytherin, Gryffindor, whatever. Put a question out there that allows people to engage with you. Because men will say, I don't know what to ask. Like it's really hard for me to like spark up a conversation. And women will say,

Erin F. Darden (29:24.302)

Thank you.

Erin F. Darden (29:29.74)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (29:41.254)

I don't think he just says hi, then I'm not responding. Well, damn. You know what I'm saying? Help him out. Like, you know what I'm saying? Help him understand how he can kind of reach out to you, and then let him take it from there. Trust me, they'll glom onto it, and they'll use that as the opening. And it'll get you some interesting information, right? What's your favorite restaurant in DC? What's your go-to comfort food, soul food, right? Like,

Erin F. Darden (29:45.793)

Hahaha

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (30:07.678)

There's so many different questions that you can ask to kind of spark someone's interest and get them to reach out to you.

Erin F. Darden (30:14.878)

that idea because what I did, I haven't been on dating apps in a while, but when I was out there, what I would usually write in my profile is like, let's skip the small talk, like make me laugh. Like I don't, don't ask me what my favorite color is. Don't ask me where I live. Don't ask me what I do for a living. Like that's the, that's boring stuff. Like I need to see personality, especially if I'm going to be doing a dating app, right? And I don't have that in person connection or interaction.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (30:25.18)

Uh-huh.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (30:40.623)

Ahem.

Erin F. Darden (30:41.354)

I need to see what your personality is like. But I like that idea of putting something in your profile that actually invites it when they respond. I like that.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (30:50.59)

Right. And I think we all just need to be realistic, okay? So let me just set the scene for you guys on dating apps. If you're using them, then you know this, right? You are going to match with 20% of the people, potentially, that you actually swipe right on or indicate interest in, right? Of the people that you actually are interested in and you match with, you're gonna be in like the top 10% for very small.

percentage of that group, right? So some of them are gonna be like, oh, she has a cute profile. Like if we were to match, maybe I would message her and you guys get a match. So if you think about it, there's only a small percentage that people are gonna go above and beyond to try to actually make a solid connection with, right? So if me and Idris Elba match, you best believe, I'm hoping he messages me. I'm gonna have plenty of conversation. I'm gonna try to keep the conversation going.

Erin F. Darden (31:25.365)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (31:46.414)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (31:46.426)

and then have that perspective too. If I match with this girl right here, oh, best believe, I'm gonna be in my best behavior, I'm gonna message her, I'm gonna reach out to her. This is just human nature. If I was to match with this girl, right, I might send her a hi. I might send her a what's up. I'm not gonna put, maybe I don't put a ton of effort. It doesn't mean that y'all are not a good match, right? That's just to level set your expectations on how human nature works when you're using a dating app, right?

Erin F. Darden (32:01.363)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (32:10.978)

Thank you.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (32:15.59)

So if you get the hi and the hello, sometimes it's not a mind blowing message that's just like, here's everything about me, but it's something that you can kind of build off of. So the question just is, was there enough effort put in that initial message to get my attention in order to want to see if this can kind of go somewhere. If they reach out to you and message you, then they're interested in you enough for something, right? You just have to discern what that something is and hopefully do it quickly.

quickly so that you can kind of not waste your time.

Erin F. Darden (32:48.678)

Right. So now, then the question is, are people on dating apps really looking for something long term, or are they just looking for something, you know, for the night or to hook up?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (33:00.33)

Yeah, everything's situational, right? The same person can be looking for something long-term and something for the night, right? And so the same person could swipe on Erin and think that Erin is a long-term person if I was to match with her. He could see me next and say, all right, if she matched with me, I'd talk to her for the night, right? So it's situational and it depends on the person. And so I tell people all the time, like,

Erin F. Darden (33:07.662)

Good point.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (33:29.898)

When someone says, oh, I'm not looking for anything serious, I always say, add the silent with you on the end of that sentence. It's silent like the G in lasagna, right? But it's there. And so it's just whether or not you're discerning what it is. Because very few people would have their dream person walk in the room and say that they weren't ready for a relationship with that person, right? So it's just a matter of figuring out which bucket.

Erin F. Darden (33:40.613)

I'm sorry.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (33:58.738)

the person has put you in so that you know if you want to continue to engage with the person. But that person could simultaneously be looking for their husband or wife and for fun for the night or the weekend. They're not mutually exclusive.

Erin F. Darden (34:12.525)

Okay.

Got it. So is there anything else we need to make sure we're doing so we got good pictures, we know what information we need to put out there, is there anything else that we can do to kind of increase our chances of finding our person online?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (34:20.982)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (34:29.263)

Um, I would say...

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (34:34.089)

Oh.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (34:37.338)

Increase your chances of finding your person online. Think about the platforms that you're using and whether or not the platform of choice for you will most likely yield the type of match that you're looking for, right? So if you're someone who's very, like religion is very important for you, then maybe you're on Christian mingle, right? If Christianity is your, or like you're on Liz match, or like whatever, like J-Date, whatever it is, right? So.

Erin F. Darden (34:58.018)

Hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (35:06.758)

If you're someone who's like, you know, there's, I just saw that there's one for artists, right? Like there's people who are like in the arts, there's one for vegetarians and vegans. So like, if you look, do some research and see the type of dating apps that are out there and then go to ones that, you know, focus on what it is that you, if you're really into physical fitness, I'm sure that there's one that's focused on people who like love fitness. Right. So think about that. It's situational. It's really great to use a broad dating app.

Erin F. Darden (35:24.503)

Thank you.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (35:36.742)

that had just like a lot of people and just know that you need to bring your patients to kind of sift through that. But you can also try to target, um, your results by using a platform that, uh, cater to what you're looking for. Like Carpe DM, we focus on helping professional black women find love, right? So on one end there's black women on the other end, there's everybody looking to date black women. If you're a heterosexual white woman, it's not the platform for you, right? You wouldn't be submitting a profile to join Carpe DM.

But hopefully if you were to search and find Carpe DM as a black woman, you'd think, okay, this is like a really viable option for me, right? And I'm excited to give it a shot.

Erin F. Darden (36:15.67)

Got it. So I know that Carpe DM combines both a dating app and matchmaking. And I don't think I've ever really thought about matchmaking as a serious option. I think it's one of these things that it was, I knew what it was, but it was kind of in the abstract, like just seems like it's really expensive. So do you have any advice? I know you guys combined both and we'll talk about why in a second, but is.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (36:27.124)

Uh.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (36:33.696)

Yeah.

Erin F. Darden (36:42.778)

Like, what's your opinion about dating apps versus matchmaker?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (36:47.078)

Yeah, you know, it was something that I learned a lot about too, as I was, you know, in my dating journal, I was trying to find the right platform for me and stumbled upon the concept of matchmaking. And you know, you're 30% more likely to find a partner using a matchmaker than going it on your own. Right? So there is efficacy behind matchmaking, just like you're more likely to get fit if you're working with a personal trainer, right? It's about the accountability. It's about having someone that's working on your behalf.

someone that knows your preferences, knows your weak points, right? It can help match you for what it is that you're looking for. And so I think that it's a really great and viable option for someone who's like, you know what? I've been doing this dating thing for a while and I wanna give it a, I wanna give it a, I want a different perspective on it, right? I want someone who has expertise like Nasa in building a profile and helping me engage with people who are like-minded and like, I think are gonna be a good fit for I'm looking for.

So I want to give it up to a matchmaker to help me on my journey. I think that's a great option. It's another great option for people who are like, online dating is not really my thing, right? But he's not breaking into my house, right? And he's not talking to me in the supermarket. I don't know if I'm going to meet him or her. And so I need to be doing something, but I cannot be swiping for four hours a day. I cannot be going on all these wasted dates and wasting all my money and my time using a basic dating app.

Erin F. Darden (37:49.315)

Right?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (38:15.078)

I'm going to use a matchmaker because I'm going to get the efficacy of using a matchmaker, but I'm going to get the pseudo experience of online dating, but within a much more curated and safe way. So that's what I would say about the differences between matchmaking and online dating. There's always an investment, right? So people talk about like, oh, well, matchmaking is more expensive. There's always an investment. People are four hours a day on a free dating app.

Erin F. Darden (38:39.213)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (38:43.67)

How much is your time worth to you? Right, so if you're doing that for four hours a day, that's baffling to me, right? And so you multiply that out in the month and you tell me how much money or time you've spent equivalent on a dating app with zero results. So I think when you get to the point where you're tired of wasting your time and your money and your energy, then looking at something like a Carpe DM makes a ton of sense.

Erin F. Darden (39:01.549)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (39:13.162)

because that's what we're designed to help you with.

Erin F. Darden (39:15.874)

Right, that makes sense. So, I mean, there are shortcomings for both, right? Matchmaking, they can be expensive. Dating apps, if you don't really put the investment in there, or maybe you do, but their job or their goal is to keep you on there. So they're not really interested in helping you find love. I mean, I know so Carpe DM combines both. So what makes Carpe DM different or how do you combine both?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (39:39.422)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so we pair personal matchmakers with a video dating process, right? So first and foremost, we're an online dating community. So we're more akin to a matchmaking service, but we matchmake within our vetted online dating community. And so what I mean by vetting is, you have to apply to join Carpe DM. So you submit an application, Erin knows this.

You have to answer questions, upload those photos I was talking about. Um, we do a preliminary review to see if we think that you be a good fit. Like, do you have a basic level of discernment? Like what online dating is? Did you put all ass shots in your profile videos? Are you holding up like, you know, ace of spades bottles in the nightclub? Like those probably are not the best fit for our professional dating community. And so.

like, you know, did you submit a solid dating profile? Then you're invited to meet one of our matchmakers for just like a preliminary conversation of, hi, this is what Carpe DM is. We'd love to know about you. What are you looking for? What are your dating goals? What are your expectations? Do you understand how a matchmaking service works and how we are different from dating apps and how we could potentially serve and help you on your journey to find love? And then everyone goes through a background check, which is completely non-negotiable on our platform. So we screen you for

We verify your identity, your criminal history, and we ensure that you're not on a sex offender registry. So it's very important for us to make sure that our community is of singles that are like-minded, relationship-minded, and that we're fostering a safe dating environment, and that we're also combating a lot of the negatives of online dating. So when it comes to ghosting, being non-responsive, being rude, right, or impatient, demanding, pressuring people on

typical dating apps, we really vet for that and we condition our members to foster a better and safer online dating experience. So once you pass your background check, you pay for your membership, you select what type of membership you want on the platform and there's various payment options, and then you're working one-on-one with your matchmaker. And the most important thing about our platform that people join in, they're like, oh, I was expecting swiping. It's like, there's no swiping.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (42:00.026)

And no matter how many times we tell people, because they're downloading a dating app, they think that there's gonna be swiping, or like, there is no swiping on Carpe DM, okay? You get on and we start to send you high quality curated matches that we believe are compatible with you based on all the things that you've shared with us, from religion to the importance of having kids, to finances, to physical traits and characteristics you're looking for, but most importantly, those really things that go to compatibility, your hobbies, your interests.

Erin F. Darden (42:28.962)

and.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (42:29.502)

your values, right? And like, does this person kind of align with that? And then on the platform, you guys go on a video date. So like me and Erin are kind of on a video call right now. Your first interaction is a five to 10 minute video date and you get to determine if there's kind of chemistry. Like I see Erin, she looks good, you know? Like we're having a good conversation. I'm kind of feeling it. I kind of would want to see where this goes afterwards. Then after the call's over, we both can say thumbs up or thumbs down.

Erin F. Darden (42:42.412)

Mm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (42:59.078)

And then we kind of take our journey to the next level. And the good thing about all of that is there's a matchmaker with you every step of the way. So if I was your matchmaker, I would see Aaron likes this person. They went on a video date. They didn't go on a video date. You know, they went on a video date and they are they remain matched, right? Like they're dating consistently. And how can we help with that? Or I as a matchmaker, you know, Aaron can totally see why I sent this match, but something missed the mark.

you know, there wasn't a spark on the video date. You know, there was a miscommunication about when and how soon Erin wanted kids versus her match wanting kids, right? And so there's a feedback loop as I'm working with you for me to then send you a new match that I believe is more compatible, right? Or better fit for you than the last match. And you do the process over again. And we've seen that it works, right? Like people enjoy getting to the heart of dating, meeting the person already knowing that

This person is who they say they are. This person has been vetted by the Carpe DM team. This person's values align with mine on a lot of different levels. And all I have to do is focus on if I have chemistry with this person and I want to go on a date with them in person and kind of develop a relationship. So that's how we've combined the concept of a matchmaking service and a dating app with the sole goal of helping you find love.

not with the goal of keeping you single and on our platform, but with the goal of helping you find a partner so that we can kind of fulfill our mission, which is elevate black women, help create generational wealth through the formation of strong two income households, and to give black, right? When you give us money, we give a little piece of that to organizations doing amazing work in the community. And so for us, it's really purpose-driven work, but it's exciting work, and it's amazing to see how it's working for our community.

Erin F. Darden (44:54.902)

You know I love you guys and I know why I love you guys. You might have answered this question already. I know Carpe DM is the result of your own experiences and identifying certain challenges that Black women date in online dating. Are there specific things that you can identify? Like, this is what I had issues with. These are the challenges that I wanted to help, you know, Black women overcome with online dating.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (45:05.888)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (45:21.854)

Yeah, hypersexual and racist comments on dating apps. Like, do you taste like chocolate? You know, like have you ever been with a XYZ guy? You know, like, I mean, just ridiculous stuff. Like, can I come see you tonight? Like, you know, all the crazy hypersexualized stuff tinged with racism, right? When it comes to dating interracially, if you're open to that.

Erin F. Darden (45:45.256)

and

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (45:48.57)

then safety and security. I don't know how many times I've had to, hey girl, I'm going out on this date with this guy. He says his name is John, who knows, right? Like we're going to bus boys on 14th, you know, I'm gonna be home at this time, you know, follow me. Like, I hope it works out, right? So like, we're always putting ourselves in spaces of being like unsafe, especially when we're online dating, we don't know who we're potentially interacting with. And it's very unfortunate how

Black women particularly face more violence and like more abuse when interacting with people online than other ethnicities of women. So those are some of the things that we definitely want to combat. And then I've experienced all the broad things that people on dating apps complain about, the ghosting. Man, I was talking to him, then he disappeared. I don't know. I don't know what happened. We were talking, I don't know, right? Like the people who are in relationships. I caught a guy, asked me to go to lunch with him.

then unmatched with me, I found him on Facebook and he was engaged. Like people, I mean, the, there's so many levels, right, to what's going on in online dating and so much debauchery and just like stuff that is just completely out of hand. And we really wanted to combat that. And I tell people, I'm like, I lived it for us, right? So we really thoughtfully and carefully designed our community and our platform to really try to undercut.

a lot of the struggles that singles in general and black women specifically are facing trying to find love online.

Erin F. Darden (47:25.446)

Yeah, and I would have to say the two things that I think are like the biggest thing and why I agreed to work with you guys and I absolutely love what you're doing the first thing is definitely safety. Earlier you talked about like services so I've tried a paid service and everybody I got from that paid service turned out to be really crazy. Like the one that I paid for like one told me he was

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (47:38.071)

Ahem.

Erin F. Darden (47:52.434)

A firefighter? He turned out to be a stripper.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (47:55.283)

Mm-hmm. Oh, he's a firefighter sometimes. Sometimes he's a police officer. Then he, yeah.

Erin F. Darden (47:58.29)

I guess. And come to find out, he hadn't even passed his test. He was just starting. And he said he models on the side. And so I went with him to a show. And I'm in the hotel. And I'm like, what kind of modeling show is in a hotel? But OK. He came back with a pocketful of ones. You're a stripper. Right, you're a stripper. Or somebody else. He said he, well, he was a therapist. But I felt like.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (48:14.902)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (48:18.73)

Hahaha

Erin F. Darden (48:27.846)

he wasn't mentally well. So I think the background check, the interview process, I definitely think that is one of the biggest value adds that you guys offer. Right. I've been in other rooms with other matchmakers. I know other matchmakers and I feel like sometimes they just looking for anybody. Right. I have this client. Let me look for whomever or

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (48:29.851)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (48:51.859)

Yeah.

Thank you.

Erin F. Darden (48:55.942)

other matchmakers just post on social media like, hey, I have this woman, or do you have a guy that meets this criteria, but there is no vetting of that person. And I think that can be very dangerous, right? If your matchmaker is just out here looking for any old body, right, that's dangerous. So I think you got to be careful or make sure you ask the questions about what their vetting process is like, because I could very well respond to something like, hey, yeah, I know this guy and there is no vetting.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (49:25.287)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Erin F. Darden (49:25.398)

process. I think that is the end. I think the other thing is your commitment to really helping people find love. So I know that you guys don't you guys do other things other than just the matchmaking service or the dating services. So what other services does Carpe DM offer its members?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (49:42.098)

Yeah, so we provide, we do in-person events. We do, we try to bring our community together in person as well as bringing them online. And so for us, it's really important to maximize our members' opportunity to like, for that chance encounter, right? To like meet someone. And you know, we just did an event and we've like, we've been doing the events for the past two years and collecting so much data on the events, the efficacy of the events, our people finding.

Erin F. Darden (49:52.567)

Thank you.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (50:11.018)

you know, relationships and dates, 80% of the people who come to our events leave with a phone number or a contact with someone that they plan to go on a date with. Our last event, I get a text message from a woman on IG. She was like, I went on a date to play golf right after your event, mini golf, with one of the guys. I had so much fun. She was like, thank you so much for creating this community. She became a member after attending the event because it was one of our events that was kind of open to non-members. And so it's one of those things that's like...

Erin F. Darden (50:37.259)

Okay.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (50:39.946)

For us, it's like, how do we just create the opportunities in a safe space for people to come together and hopefully have a moment, right? That like leads to something more in deep. And for us, it's great when you're a member of our community. Like I said, we throw a lot of these events, not all of them, but some of them are open more broadly. They're still a vetting. You still have to submit a carpeting profile. You still have to receive an invitation to attend the event. But...

And when those opportunities do present themselves, you're able to meet other people that are within our community and potentially find love. And then it's another really important thing for us to support people who are single, because just like we're having this conversation and giving people tidbits on how to create a dating profile, how to work the algorithms on dating apps that people don't know are kind of working against them, or they have no idea how they're kind of playing into it to their detriment or to their benefit. So we do panels.

We do videos, like you get access to a ton of content within our community. Erin has an entire video series on our platform on finding the perfect partner. We have another expert that did an entire series on the science of love and how to actually kind of combat some of our natural inclinations that are preventing us from finding love by knowing the science behind it.

And another video series from one of our matchmakers on like, what is matchmaking? Like level setting your expectations. And so you also get access to all of that content as well. So for us, how do we kind of take you from A to Z and support you in all the different phases of being single and then hopefully in the future, even when you're in a relationship, how do we support you as a Carpe DM community in that relationship is really our goal. We are a relationship company.

Erin F. Darden (52:33.218)

Gotcha, and I love that. What are some of the, I guess, characteristics or qualities that your matchmakers use to match somebody? Because I think whether you are using your service or any other service, I think this is important information to know as you're trying to build something. So what things do you feel like is important to consider when matching with a potential partner?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (52:48.35)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (52:57.502)

Yeah, so first and foremost, we want to know the basics, right? We want to know on a very basic level who is in your potential pool to be matched with. So the first thing we're going to ask you is the things that I already said that singles should have in their dating profile. Your age, if you have kids, don't have kids, want more kids, don't ever want kids, right? We want to know your status on children.

We wanna know your religion and your faith background and the importance of your faith and that your partner shares that faith or whatever with you. We want to know your like kind of career orbit and income range. It's not because income is the most important thing, it's because it's a factor among other factors that kind of help us understand where you're situated and who we can potentially match you with. So those are some like very basics that we wanna know. We wanna know

your, we want to know your body type and your height. We want to know the height and body type of the people that you're interested in. Those are things I would say are super basic things that you could probably do on your own if you're looking at a dating app. Then we're going to take all that and we're going to layer on those intangible things that we know as matchmakers about our clients that otherwise wouldn't be able to be shared.

or no, right? So I'm gonna know my member's communication style. I'm gonna know as far as his values, the things that are most important to him, whether that's that you're family oriented, whether that's you're independent, whether that's you're a well traveler, that you are physically fit and like love to do those types of things. I'm gonna know their relationship style. So how they operate in relationships, how they've operated in past relationships and what they're kind of trying to either

shift away from or shift towards. And we're gonna be having those conversations amongst our matchmakers to determine who's a potential good fit. And then the other thing that's very important, but it's not necessarily the very first thing, but it has to be considered, is the types of people my member is attracted to off the bat, right? So I'm gonna, if I showed you a picture of this person and you knew nothing about him or her, is there a level of attraction?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (55:22.298)

right between you and that person because if I show you this picture and there's no level of attraction, it doesn't matter if I then tell you, but wait, right? Like he is, you know, he has the height, he has the career, he has the, if there's nothing, if there's nothing in that initial you seeing the person, it's like same with the guys, right? If I showed you a picture of a woman and the guy's like, nah, it don't matter if, it doesn't matter what I tell him after that about this woman.

Erin F. Darden (55:42.318)

Mm-hmm.

Erin F. Darden (55:46.728)

What you think?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (55:50.93)

right, if there's no initial spark of attraction. So while we can't, we're not, I tell people we don't build people, right? We're not in the DNA cryogenic, you know, cloning business. We don't have a factory. So you don't give us inputs and we put them into a computer and like out pops your dream person. We're working with people that exist in the world and we're trying to find the best fit for you based on what it is that you've said that you're looking for, right?

So there has to be some give and take and some flexibility on your part as a single person trying to find a match if you're serious about finding a meaningful relationship. But we absolutely take into consideration whether or not I think my member would be attracted to this person. And if I say, Erin, they look great on paper, but I just do not think my member is gonna be attracted to him or her.

Right? Like that could be a non-starter for sending the match. Sometimes it's a, he may, it may work, right? And like, we may go ahead and make that match happen. So those are the kinds of things that we're really looking for. There's some other things that we look for that I'm not going to share, because it's kind of a part of our secret sauce as a team and what makes us successful. But those are some things I can definitely share that we prioritize in the matching.

Erin F. Darden (57:03.011)

Okay.

Erin F. Darden (57:09.682)

I love this. So who should apply or are there certain things that would, I guess, disqualify you from being invited to join the community?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (57:11.231)

PFFT

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (57:19.998)

Yeah, so I say if you are a black woman and you consider yourself to be professional black woman, you should apply. And if you are a single male or woman of any ethnicity and you're interested in dating black women, then you should apply as well because we have a two-sided marketplace here where we're pairing both sides, right? And so anyone can apply if that's really the basic criteria. Like, do you wanna be in a relationship

with amazing black woman, are you an amazing black woman looking for a meaningful relationship? Beyond that, submitting your profile and kind of having us kind of take a look and see if you'd be a good fit. And just to be fully candid, we do have about a 25 to 30% rejection rate on our platform for people who apply. And I like to be forthcoming about that because we are a paid service, right? So.

Sometimes there's a lot of things that go into why we would or would not accept you as a client onto the platform. And sometimes it's a not right now, not a never type of thing. Sometimes it's this, like the factors of who's already in the community would make it difficult to match you. And so because it's a paid service and not a free service, we'd rather say not right now than to take your money and then have you have a bad experience once you join the platform. So there's lots of reasons why someone may be

Erin F. Darden (58:30.058)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (58:42.91)

uh, held, like told, Hey, we're holding your profile and we'll revisit it in the future or rejected to say like, Hey, we don't think that it's going to be a good fit right now. I kind of alluded to it before earlier. Like the basic thing is like, if you, if you submit a crazy ass profile, like that's really like your first gateway into the platform is having one of our team members review your profile. You've submitted a profile with horrible photos. You didn't answer, you know,

Erin F. Darden (59:03.103)

Okay.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (59:10.474)

you're not answering any questions, it doesn't look like you're kind of taking things seriously, you look like potentially you're not taking yourself seriously, you know, as an individual, then that would definitely probably be grounds for a rejection.

Erin F. Darden (59:26.178)

So what has your success rate been? Like, this is something new, right? Combining dating apps and matchmaking, how has things been working out?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (59:30.3)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (59:34.162)

Yeah, so we're excited. We are new. We launched in January. We're matching our first group of members in the DMV area. And we have an 80% success rate for people that we match, saying that they want to go take their relationship to the next level. So when I say that, I send you a match, Erin, you guys go on a video date, 80% of our members that go on a video date remain matched after that video date and take their relationship to the next step. And we're

very, very proud of that because that video interaction is kind of like the key, right, to kind of unlocking the chemistry between our members and seeing if we're doing our job as matchmakers, right, and matching people who have solid compatibility, and then seeing if they're gonna take the relationship to the next level. And that means going on a date, going on multiple dates, just being to court, all the way up into people who are entering.

committed relationships and I'm excited that like every day we have a new couple that's like, you know, I just got off the phone today with one of our clients and I was sad because I had a new match for him and he was like, you guys sent me a match a couple of weeks ago or a couple months ago and we're now exclusive so I can't get any more matches. So that's awesome for us to hear, right? Like that's awesome for us to hear when our members are going exclusive and hopefully.

finding the meaningful relationship they're looking for the longterm. But we haven't had yet our first engagement or our first marriage, but we're very excited and hopeful that that's coming.

Erin F. Darden (01:01:11.078)

Yeah, I agree. Just give us some time. You guys have some wonderful, and you guys are truly committed to, you know, helping people find healthy relationships and supporting them through that, right? Your matchmakers are professionals, they're therapists, they're coaches, so I definitely, but again, I'm biased. I miss you guys. I miss working with you guys. I just absolutely love what you guys are doing to help Black women find love.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:01:13.194)

Just give it a little time. Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:01:21.631)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:01:29.15)

We miss you.

Erin F. Darden (01:01:36.414)

I am going to let you give our Thriving Thursday tip, right? So every Thursday, I give a tip about one way somebody can thrive in their singleness. And I don't mean singleness, purely in terms of relationship status, just you being a single person. So you're whole, you're more than a mom, you're more than a wife, you're more than a dad, you're more than a husband. Like you are you individually. What tip do you have for somebody to thrive in their singleness?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:01:46.059)

Hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:01:56.639)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:02:02.942)

work on becoming the person that you'd want to date and that you'd want to marry, right? And so I think that a lot of people are very focused on all the criteria that they're looking for in their perfect partner, and they're not focused on whether or not they're bringing to the table what they would want to pick up, right? So if you put it down, would you pick it back up?

Erin F. Darden (01:02:24.269)

Yeah.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:02:28.37)

Right, like would you pick yourself back up out of that pile as the person that you'd want to be in a relationship? And if the answer is no, then it's either something that you have to work on or something that you have to come to grips with in order to find the relationship that you're looking for. And I'll give like a solid example, and this is by no means all of our members or anything like that, but you know, I was talking to a potential member and she has two young children. And I asked, are you open to dating someone with kids? No.

And I said, okay, you know, I, she's like, I know it's hypocritical, but, you know, I really just don't want to date anybody that has kids. And so to me, I think you have to assess yourself, right. And make sure that you are bringing, you are the type of person that you yourself would want to date and make adjustments accordingly, whether or not that's, Hey, I want someone who's super fit that loves working out, that has a nice body that, you know, takes care of themselves.

but then you're not doing those same things yourself to attract that type of partner. So then maybe what you really need to do is compromise a little bit on the physical nature of your relationship and who you potentially would be able to attract to you. So that was my Thriving Thursday tip, become the person you yourself would wanna be.

Erin F. Darden (01:03:38.104)

Thank you.

Erin F. Darden (01:03:49.874)

I love that. I absolutely love that. How can people find more about Carpe DM?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:03:56.498)

Yeah, so you can find a ton of stuff about us. If you're just like, I want to know more. I don't want, I just want to see what this lady's all about. You can go on our IG, we're Carpe DM, the letter DM dating.com on like every platform. On our website, we're Carpe DM dating.com. You can find me, I'm on IG at Carpe DM boss. So if you're just like, I want to ask you specifically questions. If you want to meet one of our matchmakers on our website, you can request to meet one of our matchmakers.

and ask more questions. You can DM us. Our best platform is IG. So you can DM us and we'll respond to your messages. You can just submit an application. Go to CarpeDMdating.com, click join today or apply today. Submit an application. You'll get to meet one of our matchmakers. We just rolled out a 14 day free trial. So for people who are, they're not sure, you know, we are a paid service. So...

Erin F. Darden (01:04:48.43)

Thank you.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:04:55.058)

It's one of those things that you have to be prepared to make the investment. And so if you're like, I'm not really sure, this is a big upfront investment, I kind of just want to check it out. You can now try Carpe DM for 14 days for free. Give us a try and then make a decision if you want to ultimately join the community.

Erin F. Darden (01:05:12.878)

I love that you can figure out who all over there in 14 days. I love that. Any final words? Look, online dating is not. Look, there is still hope out there. You guys can definitely, you gotta make it, don't be like me. You gotta actually put forth an effort and get dated profile or just, you know, going over to Carpe DM where you have somebody that is going to be dedicated to you and have your best interest at heart. Don't be like me, be better than me.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:05:15.01)

Who am I over there? Yes!

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:05:23.818)

Mm-hmm.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:05:42.198)

I'm sorry.

Erin F. Darden (01:05:44.245)

Any last words about online dating and things that we can do to make it work for us?

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:05:50.278)

I think online dating is here to stay. I think that the beauty of online dating is it gives you access to so many people that you otherwise may not be able to interact with on an individual basis. The detriment of online dating is the same, right? It gives you access to so many people that you actually shouldn't be interacting with, period. So I think take some of the tips and tricks that we talked about today and create and hone your dating profile.

have really great discernment on who you invest your time and energy into. Make sure you kind of have your questions ready that elicit the information that you want from the person, but don't interrogate the person, right? So have the questions ready that get out of the conversation, what is it that you need without feeling like they're being put on the witness stand. And keep trying, right? Like I agree with you. You have to remain hopeful.

You have to know that love is out there. I know it because I see it every single day when people are telling us that they're finding love on Carpe DM. It's really exciting to me. So it keeps my energy up and you're super hopeful. So don't get discouraged. Put a little bit of time, energy, and a little bit of commitment financially if you have the ability to, behind the process of trying to find love online. And I think that you'll enhance your results.

Erin F. Darden (01:07:13.782)

I love that. Well, thanks so much for joining us. I hope you guys continue to join us on this transformative journey. Next week, we are talking about codependency and abandonment in relationships. So that one should be good.  You guys enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks for joining us.

Naza Shelley | CarpeDM (01:07:34.858)

Thanks for having me, Erin.